A different way of surviving is to raise your voice and let the whole world hear that you’re in need of attention, that you want someone now to look after you, someone
to be there for you, to love you. At the onset, it might appear that this could be a more profitable strategy. But here too, we can fall into a trap. It remains to be seen whether we really receive the attention we long for, if we are truly being seen, heard,
and taken seriously.
The danger is that we become naggers, who never are content. We start to believe we cannot do anything ourselves and are therefore
forever in need of another person. If we hear ourselves or others excessively say “I’m frightened”, “I cannot”, “I could not”, “I don’t know” then we can be sure to have fallen into the gloomy pit
of helplessness. We think we are not good enough, we feel inferior, we nourish our grief and stay dependent. When we are asked to do something, we almost always automatically refuse, and say “no” since we think we cannot do it ourselves. In this
pattern we are in the role of the victim. As client we usually are.