Often we do not know what we exactly long for. That is why our sexual, romantic and violent fantasies about our loved ones can guide us. Those images or dreams about a man or a woman have a meaning. Our sexual fantasies are also mirroring our longing for our own anima or own animus, for our longing to connect with our soul or our mind. This can be erotic and romantic but also violent. Our loved one can change into a devil who will rape us. Or into a strict mother who does not love us or into a possessive father who dominates and abuses us. Anything is possible in our dreams and imagination. Scary! Better not talk about it in public. Nevertheless those images represent normal – subconscious - needs. Precisely because our longing to become a complete human being is so intense, the images that go with it are so vehement. Only when we become afraid because we believe we have to bring our imagination into action or because we think what we experience is reality, we can lose ourselves. When we reject and suppress those images out of fear, they will stay with us and can become dangerous for our health and feeling of well being.
And of course our sexual fantasies are also about the longing to be near another person, the longing to literally feel another body of flesh and blood. And about wanting to become one with this other person in a way that can only be reached by surrendering and coming into each other. But the continuous tension that dominates our lives is caused by the contradiction within ourselves. Our masculine side challenges our feminine pole, our animus tickles our anima, our mind thinks he is the boss of our soul, Yang and Yin struggle for the biggest space. And this very tension changes into excitement every time we meet a man or a woman who awakens our animus or our anima and sets our bellies on fire. Aha, is he the One or is she? And then the game recommences. After rose buds and moonbeams the conflicts and the fear to lose ourselves or our loved one follow. But in the end it will become clear that becoming whole can only be accomplished within ourselves. Becoming one with another human being is not the same as becoming one with our own ‘other half’, but the one cannot exist without the other. That is why I plead for granting ourselves our lust and desire. Let’s compare it to gold-ore, that is not to be found on the surface. You have to dig for it and if you find it, you will have to purify it to find gold. Throwing it away would be a pity, maybe even a sin.
A complete human being
This text is mainly based on the Jungian heritage, because it gave me the insight I needed, when I struggled severely with a love I lost and could not get over. The only way I could go on was to understand why it happened by writing the undercurrent.
Step by step I could and can accept that I had to grow this way, not because I am inferior but because I am a woman who longs to become who she is: a complete human being.
How about you?
How about you and your experiences with relations and sex and love and longing for the One. How about your search for who you truly are in relation to your loved ones. If you can, take time now and meditate on questions as: Am I good enough as a woman? Am I good enough as a man? Am I good enough as a lover? Do I long to connect? Do I believe I have a soul mate? Did I meet my soul mate? Do I believe in love? If you read or scan the text again you can find your own questions that urgently ask for answers. Do not be shy, your questions can bring you to your own answers and wisdom if you allow yourself to let your hand do the work and write.