Here we are in a vicious circle. We wonder if we are attractive enough to be desired and want to be confirmed by the one we love. If we feel uncertain and walk on our toes we are trapped, because the other won’t feel free. He or she is supposed to convince us of our splendour and that is impossible because we do not believe we are good enough to get what we long for. If we think we only deserve what we need if we go to the beauty shop first or take a course to make a more attractive or intelligent impression, we become our own enemies. The dramatic truth is that we can go to the hairdresser every day and can learn whatever we want, but it will not make us more lovable if we feel uncertain. This does not mean that we should not go to the hairdresser or not go to a course or a training to learn more, but we better realize that love is not for sale this way.
Reluctance to Say Yes
The fear of not being good enough causes our reluctance to say wholeheartedly Yes to each other. We are too afraid of what will happen if we say Yes and the other says No or Yes But. Our fear of not being valuable enough will prove to be true. At least, it does if we stay with the No and do not ask what it is about. If I am certain he says No because he thinks I am not pretty, nice, lovable or intelligent enough, I am the one who says No to me first because I do not dare to ask what his No is about. How can we know why we are rejected if we do not check what we suppose? Maybe it is not about me but about him, because he is afraid he cannot live up to my sky high expectations? If I do not ask, I will never know. And that is where the challenge is.
If I am too afraid to pose the question, I give away the power to decide myself whether I am okay or not. If I am secretly hoping he will convince me that I am good as I am, I tell myself the wrong tale. Being good enough is about our identity and our being. We are who we are and only I can have a clue who I am and the same goes for you. If I think I know how and who you should be, I am above reality. How can I if I even do not really know how and who I am?