1. The fear of existing
Fear starts the moment we are born. When we come out of the womb, completely helpless and vulnerable, we are demanded to trust the world enough to say Yes to life and start breathing independently. A matter of life and death. The question is how welcome we are. Are our parents so happy with their new baby that they are fully prepared for us? Is the whole family waiting with excitement and love for the newly born? Or is it the wrong moment because we are not wanted? The first fear that is an existential fear starts doing its work. What we need is a mother figure who comes regularly to feed us, gives us warmth and attention, a mother who changes our diapers, cleans and cuddles us, a mother who takes time to give us the feeling that we belong on earth and came home.
To have place and belong
Looking for Satisfaction
If our basic needs were not answered during our youth, they will keep asking for attention when we are grown-ups. We will go on searching for, what we did not get then, when we needed it badly. Our longing will direct our lives in the undercurrent and it will leave painful traces in the body.
First basic need is
to have a place on earth and know that we belong
Every human being has a right to have his or her own place and space. It starts early. A child that is being born needs its own place. The first and most literally own place of a child is the womb. By carrying the child in her body the mother gives implicitly the message: ‘You have a place in me and I will take care of you.’ Children love to play with having a place: they built huts, they hide away, they creep into holes and play changing trees... Later the own place will become more a spiritual one by creating a world of books, stories, music, hobby’s, clubs, sport.
If a child has the feeling it belongs, is depending except on its family on its social surroundings. A child belongs to this family, this neighbourhood, this school, this social class. When a family is moving a lot and a child often loses its school and friends it can become unbalanced because it does not have enough time to root and feel the ground.
Personal questions to explore your own birth and the beginning of your life: Did I feel safe when still in the womb? Did I have a difficult or an easy birth? Was I on time? Was I welcome?
Please find a safe spot where you can take time for you, concentrate on those questions and write when you are ready.