The fear of guilt and punishment

As we grow older and have to become more free from the close bondage with our mother, the fear of guilt and punishment are born. We learn how to walk and talk and discover we have ourown will that can be diametrically opposed to that of our father or/andmother. Our parents can become angry and will make it clear to us that there are orders, commands and prohibitions. In this way a new fear enters, a fear of not doing the right thing. We are lucky when we have parents who give us boundaries that can be talked about. Parents who make it clear that we even as a child need discipline and rules to live our lives. But if we are raised by parents who behave rigidly and dominantly, who punish us without adding a kiss, we are liable to become so afraid of being guilty that we hardly dare to take the risk of making our own choices and making mistakes. The result is that we as adults will have big problems in becoming autonomous. Does this mean that we are lucky when we have parents who were anti-authoritarian? The advantage is that we miss this fear for guilt and punishment, but it does not bring a real solution. Being raised in relative freedom means not being educated about borders and possibilities. It means not having a clue about what we can achieve and what we cannot. The result is that we do get anxious and uncertain after all, not knowing our norms and values.